Mumbles for Dummies
by Keiri Bradon
Summary: Save for the Queen, no can understand the King's mumbling. Behold - a translation of the King's mumbling, for your viewing pleasure, written by the Queen.
1. Queen's Intro

**As all of us know, the King is very old in age. His son, Prince Humperdink, is old enough to rule, but he must still find a wife. So until then, the King will keep on ruling all of Florin. But it's so hard to understand what he says – he's so old, all he does is mumble. Luckily, even though his wife is the only one who can understand him, she has found a way to make it easier for us. She has decided to publish a list of translations for the King's mumbles. Thanks to her generous heart, we will now be able to decipher what the King is trying to tell us.**

_Dear my fellow subjects,_

_Thank you for all you patience and loyalty throughout the years. I know my darling husband can be a handful…and it can be quite hard to understand him at times. I feel it is out many years spent together that allow me to understand his speech. It must be tedious and a tad bit annoying for all of you to wait for me to translate every time he gives a speech. It's tiring on you, the King, and me. My poor dear Humperdink just can't seem to find a suitable wife, but when the wondrous day when he does arrives, the King will be happy to make way for the new ruler of Florin. But until then, I have decided to make it easier on everyone to figure out what the King is mumbling by publishing this book, filled with translations for the convenience of all of you. Enjoy and, you're welcome._

_Yours Royally,_

_The Queen of Florin_


	2. Manners and Compliments

TABLE MANNERS

TABLE MANNERS

Mummmblehumblebumummble…

Would you like your water with, or without ice?

Mummbletumummmble…

Please, pass the salt and pepper.

Sumummblelummble…

My compliments to the chef!

Dummble!

This is delicious!

Rummblemummbleumbble…

Time for desert!

Hummblemummblemumubble…

What's for dinner, my dear?

COMPLIMENTS

Summmmmmble…..

You look nice, dear.

Yummblemummble….

It brings out the color in your eyes.

Mummblemummbbblet…

You're wonderful.

Mujumble…

No, that doesn't make you look fat. It flatters you.

MummWOWble…

WOW! That's/you're/it's awesome!


	3. Holiday Greetings and Phrases

Holiday Greeting and Phrases

Muummbblleeeeee…

Happy Valentines Day, dear

MuTURKEYbbblee…

Bring out the turkey – I'm starving

MummbbblllE….

Merry Christmas

Mubbobble…

Trick or Treat

Mubmme….

Happy Chanukah/Joyful Kwanza

Mumblemumbble….

Thank you for the gift

Mubllbleme…

Here's to the start of a new year!

Mumbbleme…

I can't wait until next year!

Mubbcakemmble…

Happy Brithday!

Mummble…

Oh, blow and the candles and make a wish already so we can dig into the cake, you nit!

Sorry for the short chapter – crazy as it sounds…make up these phrases is harder than it looks! :)


	4. When in Doubt

**When in Doubt**

**Remarks, retorts, and protests**

Smumble!

But dear…!

Smuiible!

I've got an idea!

Mumblefrumbledy…

Are you sure that's the best idea…?

Mummmmmmmbleeel…

You can't make me, and that's FINAL!

MUMMMMMBBBBLLLLEEEEEEW!

You'll never take me alive.

Myumbleer.

If it'll make you happy, my darling, then sure - I would love to go to your parents for the holidays – it would be just absolutely splendid. In fact, why don't we go out and buy a nice bottle of wine to give them for dinner, which I assume you and your mother will be hard at work cooking while your father and I watch football in the front room until the sweet smell of roast beef reaches our nostrils and beckons into the dining room, where a bountiful harvest is waiting, set out like a feast made for a king… HEY! I am a king! Hah! Isn't that just splendid…?

_Yeah, this chapter's short…and it sucks…but the next one will be full of INSULTS!_


	5. Insults

_**I'd like to point out that I'm a horrible person. I hate it when people don't update for FOREVER! I'm not gonna pile on the excuses, I'll just say this – high school surprised me…it takes up MUCH more time than I thought. But only one more week, and I'll be free all summer.**_

Remmmommm….

It's not me, it's you.

Heeeeerpho!

Well SOOOORRRRRYYYYY! I didn't realize it was act-like-an-idiot day.

Foooutmaaaaaa….

Did you get dressed in the dark today.

Tromble mummmble pummmle.

Your fish and chips recipe contains too many chips, and not enough fish.

Moooorrrrummmble!

Your mom!

Miiiiiimooo!

That's not what your girlfriend said last night.

Yooommmmuck.

You suck.

Mooorpeppeppeppoo.

Why yes, those pants DO make your thighs look big.

Muuurpplump.

Honestly, this wedding was just dreadful. Scrooge could've planned a more joyful event! And I'm taking back the toaster I got you!

Guumple.

Your face.

Turkmelumble.

You were singing? Ooops, I just called the vet – I thought it was a dying animal.

**_Sorry! I am totally blanking on more ideas. So the next chapter will be a continuation of insults, as well as just purely epic statements. I just wanted to make sure you guys enjoyed a new chapter._**


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